~ WHERE TO START
Grief Complicates Life in Unimaginable Ways.
Normal events and decisions are lost in the fog of uncertainty and pain. This is a normal part of the grieving process. Sadly, life in the world around us continues to march on, and we are carried ahead, whether we want to be or not.
You Are Not Alone.
If you are newly widowed, our hearts ache for you. Please know that you are not alone. We, too, have experienced the terrible pain and numbness of loss, and we desire to walk with you.
~ We’re here for you
Things You Can Do.
Take care of yourself and do what you need to do in this time. This may mean letting go of some responsibilities, or simply going for a walk or taking a nap. Here are a few reminders to guide you through this uncharted territory.
Don't ignore your health
Stress will make you more susceptible to illness.
If you get sick...
If you do get sick, go to the doctor. Ask a friend or family member to go with you.
Consider RX side effects
Investigate the side effects of any prescription drugs before you start taking them.
Keep yourself safe
The distraction of grief makes you vulnerable – take advantage of things help keep you safe.
Seek what energizes you
Identify what depletes you, and what energizes you – and seek the latter.
Find ways to move
Exercise is always beneficial to your health and relieves stress.
Get a massage
Physical massage may help compensate for the lack of touch in your life.
Ask for help
Don’t be afraid to ask. Remind yourself that those who love you really do want to help.
Write things down
In the midst of deep grief we don’t always retain what is being said to us.
Consider keeping a journal
It may help you express and understand what you’re feeling.
Find grief support
Get involved in a grief support group. We highly recommend Grief Share.
Continue to pray
Even if you don’t know the right words – God will hear you.
Download Things You Can Do
— Advice From Other Widows
First Things First.
With so much to navigate in this season, be sure to lean on sound advice and good judgment when it comes to making decisions and plans. Below is advice on everything from legal matters to financial decision from women who have been there.
- In general, it is recommended that you avoid making major life changes, such as selling your home, or changing jobs, for at least one year.
- If you’re concerned about your job, ask your HR department about taking a leave of absence or reducing your hours for a period of time.
- It’s natural to question whether you should stay in your home – memories and familiar things will trigger your emotions, and seem to intensify your pain. This is a normal thing to happen while you grieve. If possible, try to give it time. Consider having someone stay with you for a while, or perhaps, you could stay with a friend or family member for a time, to help ease you back into your home without your husband.
- Contact your attorney right away. If you don’t have an attorney, ask a trusted friend or family member for a recommendation.
- Contact your financial planner right away. If you don’t have one, ask a trusted friend or family member for a recommendation.
- Identify recurring bills by referring to the last 6-12 months of bank statements.
- Cancel your husband’s debit cards and credit cards – although this is emotionally hard to do, it needs to be done to prevent fraud.
- Order 5-10 death certificates. You may need original death certificates for financial/banking accounts, creditors, and life insurance policies.
- Most financial notifications can wait, but a life insurance settlement is typically fairly easy to apply for.
- Do not invest life insurance proceeds, or pay off any large debts immediately. Take time to make these big decisions and seek the advice of your financial planner.
- Many companies offer life insurance to their employees. Contact your husband’s HR department to find out if he had a policy through his employer.
- Notify Social Security of your husband’s death. Visit your local Social Security office for more information. You and your dependent children may be eligible for benefits.
- Change your W-4 status to single and adjust dependents. This is an extremely hard step but in doing so you will avoid unexpected additional income tax due when you file your income tax return.
- Grief may negatively impact your ability to sleep. Consider incorporating tips for improving your sleep and overall health.
- If your health insurance was held through your husband’s employer, contact his HR department as a first step.
- Your financial planner may be able to provide information regarding personal health insurance options for the future.
- If you are having suicidal thoughts, get help immediately. Do not wait. Call 911.
- Depression, severe emotions, and mood swings are very normal while you grieve. It is helpful to get professional help during this time. Contact your local church for a recommendation for Christian counseling.
- Be aware that some prescription drugs may cause thoughts of suicide, increased anxiety, and other side effects that can exacerbate symptoms of grief. Investigate the side effects of any prescription drugs before you start taking them.
- Be sure you know how to shut off the electricity, water, and natural gas in case of an emergency.
- Gather numbers of repair and service providers before you need them. Ask friends and family members to help you do this. Your local Hope Gathering community can compile a list of trusted providers.
- In general, it is recommended that you avoid making major life changes, such as selling your home, or changing jobs, for at least one year.
- If you’re concerned about your job, ask your HR department about taking a leave of absence or reducing your hours for a period of time.
- It’s natural to question whether you should stay in your home – memories and familiar things will trigger your emotions, and seem to intensify your pain. This is a normal thing to happen while you grieve. If possible, try to give it time. Consider having someone stay with you for a while, or perhaps, you could stay with a friend or family member for a time, to help ease you back into your home without your husband.
-
Contact your attorney right away. If you don’t have an attorney, ask a trusted friend or family member for a recommendation.
-
Your attorney will guide you through pertinent issues, including:
-
Contact your financial planner right away. If you don’t have one, ask a trusted friend or family member for a recommendation.
-
Your financial advisor will guide you through issues such as:
-
Gathering and reviewing all statements
-
Notifying all institutions
-
Modifying accounts and service providers
-
Tax considerations
-
Identify recurring bills by referring to the last 6-12 months of bank statements.
-
Order 5-10 death certificates. You may need original death certificates for financial/banking accounts, creditors, and life insurance policies.
-
Cancel your husband’s debit cards and credit cards – although this is emotionally hard to do, it needs to be done to prevent fraud.
-
Most financial notifications can wait, but a life insurance settlement is typically fairly easy to apply for.
-
Do not invest life insurance proceeds, or pay off any large debts immediately. Take time to make these big decisions and seek the advice of your financial planner.
-
Many companies offer life insurance to their employees. Contact your husband’s HR department to find out if he had a policy through his employer.
- Notify Social Security of your husband’s death. Visit your local Social Security office for more information. You and your dependent children may be eligible for benefits.
- Change your W-4 status to single and adjust dependents. This is an extremely hard step but in doing so you will avoid unexpected additional income tax due when you file your income tax return.
- Grief may negatively impact your ability to sleep. Consider incorporating tips for improving your sleep and overall health.
-
If your health insurance was held through your husband’s employer, contact his HR department as a first step.
-
Your financial planner may be able to provide information regarding personal health insurance options for the future.
-
If you are having suicidal thoughts, get help immediately. Do not wait. Call 911.
-
Depression, severe emotions, and mood swings are very normal while you grieve. It is helpful to get professional help during this time. Contact your local church for a recommendation for Christian counseling.
-
Be aware that some prescription drugs may cause thoughts of suicide, increased anxiety, and other side effects that can exacerbate symptoms of grief. Investigate the side effects of any prescription drugs before you start taking them.
-
Be sure you know how to shut off the electricity, water, and natural gas in case of an emergency.
-
Gather numbers of repair and service providers before you need them. Ask friends and family members to help you do this. Your local Hope Gathering community can compile a list of trusted providers.
Download First Things First
Download First Things First
